Come look!

www.tinyhandsri.blogspot.com


I co-founded this childrens community service group and have been busy developing that organization and updating our blog.
Starting up our 2nd year running and we'll soon be selling everything from hats to hoodies with our logo on it, thanks to Melissa's brilliant suggestion. So fire up your wallet, Mom. This would be a great way to kiss up to me and the kids...

Darning my darning!

Since I've already established that I'm walking a fine line between sanity and insanity, I thought I might speak to the intimate relationship I have with language. I'm a complete book junkie and always have some new word I'm loving. At the moment, it's... drumroll please...
DARNING
I can't explain it, I just love the word and I like to use it in sentences wherever possible. And since I'm not totally clear on what it means, and ignorance is bliss, I can use it with great frequency and confidence. I love it because it harkens back to a time, a time so ancient that Hello Kitty and America's Next Top Model didn't exist so what did these people have to live for? Darning. It must have been good! And, Mom don't head straight down to comments and tell me what the real meaning is. Lets keep the mystery alive for a bit more, because really now... where is the mystery in my daily doings?
Hmmm. What's that awful smell? No mystery here... another trip to the changing table.
I wonder.... What's going to happen, daily, at 5pm in Bedlam? No mystery here... I will be tripping over 3 sets of arms and legs flailing, making dirt angels on my kitchen floor as this appears to be the hour of their awakening. The hour when my children collectively decide, that while things have gone fairly well that day, they can no longer bear another moment without their father. And my inability to present him to them, is tantamount to failure. So like the Ppeople Who Know What They Are Doing recommend, I allow them to "have their feelings" while also giving myself the emotional space to decide it's just the right time to grab that pinot noir and pop the cork!

I digress. I can't even remember the first time I became aware of the word, Darning. I once heard someone say that they knew how to darn socks, which sounds charming, but before they went any further I threw my hands up over my ears and asked them to stop right there before revealing the meaning of the word to me.

So now dear reader (hi Mom!) you will see, how precisely miraculous it is that I've remained out and about in society, Darning under the radar with a barren medicine cabinet and not an hour spent behind the padded, welcoming walls of a local mental facility other than my voluntary beat on Bedlam Ave.

And since I'm never quite sure if I'm going to blog another word, I would also like to publicly address, at this time, those (Dave) that have criticized me for my love of Kenny Rogers song, "The Gambler. I'm just sayin' that what this song is really about is a mortal and a sage coming together and feasting on some wisdom, which is what I'm hoping will happen with each homeless or downtroden soul that I happen upon in my travels. A Sage in disguise. Sage, take me away...

Beware Freshwater Enemies!

Fear not! Max and "Hawgman" are on the scene, side by side; these super-heroes are patrolling our lakes and streams, prepared to do battle against all manner of freshwater dwelling enemy!

Known Enemies: Lochness Monster, "Lake-zilla", miscellaneous dinosaur fish and water serpentry

Special Powers: The ability to leap large bodies of water in a single bound.

A Song, My Life and Where the Twain Might Meet

While I simple adore my wee three and would circle the earth in shackles if it would ensure their eternal happiness, I could imagine circumstances where I might want to jump on a train to nowhere fast. Circumstances like my inability to keep up with the laundry, circumstances like my inability to cross 2 of my three children over the potty threshold. And if it did happen that I flew the coop, or scoop, I'd imagine that, with a little tweakin, my adventure might be well narrated by Kenny Rogers song, "The Gambler":

"On a warm summer's evenin' on a train bound for nowhere,
I met up with a mother; we were both too tired to sleep.
So we took turns a starin' out the window at the darkness
'Til boredom overtook us, and she began to speak.

She said, "Girl, I've made my life out of readin' people's faces,
And knowin' what their cards were by the way they held their eyes.
so if you don't mind my sayin', I can see you're out of aces.
For a taste of your whiskey I'll give you some advice."

So I handed her my bottle and she drank down my last swallow.
Then she bummed a *cigarette and asked me for a light.
And the night got deathly quiet, and her face lost all expression.
Said, "If you're gonna play the game, girl, ya gotta learn to play it right.

You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run..."

*************

Indeed

Disclaimer: *House of Kitty neither condones nor engages in smoking, child abandonment nor whiskey consumption (OK maybe Whiskey Sours on occasion). However she could imagine, especially in the third person, that on the run, anything could happen.

Thanks for the writing prompt over at CHBM

I'm busy right now

Busy cultivating a sense of peace.
Busy re-inventing myself as Hello Kitty, peaceful warrior.
Busy brewing coffee beans to support me in the process.

Happy 37th Birthday to ME!

Happy 37th Birthday to ME!

And to ensure this 37th year is super fabulous, despite the fact that I am excessively exposed to the toxic fumes of sibling rivalry; despite the fact that my darling "tenants" consider me to be a slum mum who doesn't provide them with sufficient exposure to ingestible red dye#3, high fructose corn syrup and television; despite all this, I have a new uniform to wear as I navigate through the emotional obstacle course that is my life.

Yes, this romper you see here is my new wardrobe staple, and yes, Dave, I paid 11,800 cents for it but I'm worth every penny! It's a small price to pay for an emotional lift... it's either that or I'm going to click here for my free 4 day trial, secure the children and take the Lunesta Butterfly as my new companion "animal". Then I can "Leave the Rest to Lunesta".

The manufacturer of this garment has advised me that "I'll hop, skip, and jump with abandon in these wide-legged brushed twill coveralls, complete with plenty of pockets and pert tie straps. With tacked cuffs and gathers at the bust for a grown-up touch. Drawstring waist. By Louie. Side zip. Machine wash. Black. 18"l. Imported."


Happy Birthday to ME.

What I would invent if I had the time and some cash

Picture this:
Pasty executives all across the land, sitting in front of a computer monitor, going about their afternoon routines... ignoring the screams of their burning asses, aching carpal tunnels and twisted spines when suddenly bells begin to chime. The lights dim, fans pump in a nice breeze and a sweet Barry Manilow song pours itself through the speaker system. All the employees smile, open up their shirt collars and sit back because they know... they know it's time for "Desktop Tanning".

Thats right, Desktop Tanning. As the employee transitions into a more peaceful state, their computer monitor shuts down and reboots as a facial/upper torso tanning machine. For 10 solid minutes, whether they partake of the carcinogenic rays or not, everyone is relaxing and rejuvenating under the spell of Copacabana.

You know the song...
"Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl
With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there
She would merengue and do the cha-cha
And while she tried to be a star, Tony always tended bar
Across a crowded floor, they worked from 8 till 4
They were young and they had each other
Who could ask for more?" (than a desktop tanner!)

And if your loving this idea, have cash and access to the bowels of the scientific community, contact me... I think I'm really on to something here. Actually, I just didn't want to torture my husband with another of my "thought occurences", as I like to call them. They come frequently enough that if I don't start keeping some of them to myself, the rescue team is going to find him slumped over in the corner of our family room, in what appears to be a catatonic state, with a puddle of drool at his feet.

MESSAGE FROM THE EMERGENCY BROADCAST SYSTEM, NEW POLICY IN THE HOUSE OF KITTY: TV ALL DAY EVERYDAY

NOTICE TO ALL TODDLERS AND PRESCHOOLERS UNDER MY CARE: I AM LAYING DOWN ARMS. FOR TODAY, I WILL GIVE IN TO YOUR PLEADINGS AS I DECLARE THAT TODAY IS AN ALL TV ALL DAY DAY.
IF THE CHILD DEVELOPMENT SPECIALISTS ARE CORRECT, I WILL BE FOREVER IMPACTING YOUR ABILITY TO HAVE A PRODUCTIVE FUTURE AND MAKE LOTS OF MONEY TO SUPPORT ME IN MY RETIREMENT:

- OUR FAMILY IQ WILL DECLINE BY 30%. (I guess I'm OK with that as long as you'll be able to get into A college to enjoy the enrichment of a good college keg party. Perhaps you'll even be a champion like your mommy and be able to perform an inverted keg stand for 30 continuous seconds. And if you're a faithful reader (Hi Mom!) and don't know what that means, just know that your hard earned money gained me the respect of my peers!)

- YOUR BRAINS WILL BE OOZING OUT OF YOUR EARS BY 5PM. (Does that mean that you'll be more docile as I brush your teeth before bed?)

- YOU WILL BE DEVOID OF ALL EMOTION, HAVING UNPLUGGED FROM THE CAPACITY TO CONNECT WITH OTHER HUMANS IN YOUR ENVIRONMENT. Could this be THE SOLUTION to sibling rivalry? I know you can all agree on the fact that you want to watch TV all day. I could call this a theory, write a book and make millions. "Television... the SOLUTION" by Hello Kitty

- BY ALLOWING YOU TO WATCH TV I AM CONDITIONING YOU FOR A 7 MINUTE ATTENTION SPAN, which frankly works for me because this might make transitioning from event to event easier as opposed to your pleading to do something ONE MORE TIME or stay FIVE MORE MINUTES.

- TV WILL CULTIVATE AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR. So perhaps one of you will become the alpha child once and for all and keep the rest of you in line.

Who am I kidding. I'll probably last five more minutes before my guilt over exposing you to more than 70.5 consecutive minutes of television takes over. I'll race into the room with my Attachment Parenting Shield Of Truth in place, turn off the devil machine and force feed you walnut's and omega 3 fatty acids all afternoon. Then we'll cram in 3 crafts, 2 enrichment stories and a climb up the old maple tree.

Holiday weekend kickoff!

My Dear Little Cherub Zoe,
Well, we've really kicked off our 4th of July 4-day holiday weekend with a bang!
Friday you came down with a 24 hour virus featuring a 104.5 fever.
Saturday you were cranky (understandably!) and we took it easy. All 5 of us indoor all day easy and then all of us were cranky (understandably!)
Sunday I had the biggest scare of my life to date when you took leave of us at the aquarium. Daddy looked away from you for just a moment and you decided you were going to have a go of it on your own. We located you after about 30 seconds, which felt like 30 days, which felt like 30 days in dog years, or 210 days.

Note to self: Dark aquariums are NOT a great destination for families where children 5 and under outnumber grownups 30 and over.

Only 2,880 minutes left on our holiday... I think I'll spend it in a state of preparedness.