MESSAGE FROM THE EMERGENCY BROADCAST SYSTEM, NEW POLICY IN THE HOUSE OF KITTY: TV ALL DAY EVERYDAY

NOTICE TO ALL TODDLERS AND PRESCHOOLERS UNDER MY CARE: I AM LAYING DOWN ARMS. FOR TODAY, I WILL GIVE IN TO YOUR PLEADINGS AS I DECLARE THAT TODAY IS AN ALL TV ALL DAY DAY.
IF THE CHILD DEVELOPMENT SPECIALISTS ARE CORRECT, I WILL BE FOREVER IMPACTING YOUR ABILITY TO HAVE A PRODUCTIVE FUTURE AND MAKE LOTS OF MONEY TO SUPPORT ME IN MY RETIREMENT:

- OUR FAMILY IQ WILL DECLINE BY 30%. (I guess I'm OK with that as long as you'll be able to get into A college to enjoy the enrichment of a good college keg party. Perhaps you'll even be a champion like your mommy and be able to perform an inverted keg stand for 30 continuous seconds. And if you're a faithful reader (Hi Mom!) and don't know what that means, just know that your hard earned money gained me the respect of my peers!)

- YOUR BRAINS WILL BE OOZING OUT OF YOUR EARS BY 5PM. (Does that mean that you'll be more docile as I brush your teeth before bed?)

- YOU WILL BE DEVOID OF ALL EMOTION, HAVING UNPLUGGED FROM THE CAPACITY TO CONNECT WITH OTHER HUMANS IN YOUR ENVIRONMENT. Could this be THE SOLUTION to sibling rivalry? I know you can all agree on the fact that you want to watch TV all day. I could call this a theory, write a book and make millions. "Television... the SOLUTION" by Hello Kitty

- BY ALLOWING YOU TO WATCH TV I AM CONDITIONING YOU FOR A 7 MINUTE ATTENTION SPAN, which frankly works for me because this might make transitioning from event to event easier as opposed to your pleading to do something ONE MORE TIME or stay FIVE MORE MINUTES.

- TV WILL CULTIVATE AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR. So perhaps one of you will become the alpha child once and for all and keep the rest of you in line.

Who am I kidding. I'll probably last five more minutes before my guilt over exposing you to more than 70.5 consecutive minutes of television takes over. I'll race into the room with my Attachment Parenting Shield Of Truth in place, turn off the devil machine and force feed you walnut's and omega 3 fatty acids all afternoon. Then we'll cram in 3 crafts, 2 enrichment stories and a climb up the old maple tree.