Administrators of Sea Weed spa treatments need to speak English

I wasn't sure whether or not I should pay for anything called a "Sea-weed wrap" but this was part of a bridesmaid spa day package, so to take one for the team, I put my concerns aside and followed a hairy little man into a room much like the shower stall I bathed in at the hospital post-partum. Cold, aseptic space with gray tile above, below and behind me. I suppose optimal conditions for power washing post-sea weed wrap and post-partum. Upon entry, hairy man murmers in a thickish accent: "Relax, your in my hands now". I had to turnaround to make sure it wasn't a groundhog speaking to me. Frankly it wouldn't have surprised me to hear that he had surfaced from the underworld where this type of wrap is a specialty.

Fast forward 2 minutes: I am covered in a lima green paste. I thought I was going to be wrapped in the type of sea-weed I avoid at the beach, so this seemed fairly harmless. Next, the hairy little man covers me up in plastic and towels so I start to realize this is not meant to be relaxing - its meant to make me value every moment of every day when I'm not wrapped in plastic, covered in green paste. To make matters worse, he pulls the plastic wrap and towel up over my collar bone to an area where I don't like the feeling of pressure... the front of my NECK. Yes, I'm one of those people who can't wear turtlenecks. I maintain I was strangled in a previous life.
Vehemently I ask the hairy man (several times) to keep the wrapping below my neck and each time I say this he lowers the washcloth on the top of my eyes, down over my nose. This perfect example of a language barrier went on until my eyes were uncovered and my nose, including the air passages through which I breathe, were covered. It was all I could do to not SCREAM: "IT MOVES THE PLASTIC WRAP AND TOWEL FROM MY NECK OR IT GET'S THE HOSE AGAIN!". (Anyone know in which movie this phrase was coined? And by anybody, I mean my brother who is probably the only person reading this!)

Finally, little hairy man leaves me in the room alone for 10 minutes so that I can "relax". Immediately I slither my hands up to my neck and wrangle the packaging down. Post package wranglin, I endure the situation for another 9 minutes and 30 seconds at which point the timer goes off and hairy man releases from my salty captivity.
To top it all off I was severely dehydrated as apparently the seaweed sucks all moisture out of your body.

But really my point is that I feel strongly that people in the position of adminstering spa treatmeants need to be able to differentiate between the words NOSE and NECK.

Namaste.